Posted in America by Sarah Knapp on 12/2/2011
Coming back from the race has been.... strange. It's like I stepped into a world I left only weeks ago and yet all the familiar faces and places are completely different and I see them with a new set of eyes.
During my time in Nepal I felt God calling me into nursing so, with the generous help of my parents, I applied to nursing school at a local university. My application was sent, my transcript was sent, and yet somehow the transcript was never received. I went to the university yesterday to ask if they had gotten everything they needed, but I was informed that without the transcript they couldn't process me and it was too late now to apply. I walked out to the car, defeated. Maybe this was God telling me I was wrong, that I misunderstood. But something drove me to walk back into that office. I talked to a counselor and was told that if I got the documents in ASAP, he would do what he could. So I raced home, tore up my room, and found the transcript sent me the day I graduated. Raced back, relieved.....
Until I got a call that I needed a transcript from GA Tech since I had taken classes there. I called the office, and had an hour, to drive into Atlanta, get to the office before closing, convince someone to go against their policy and give me the transcript right then, and all this without a clue what my student information was. On the drive down to Tech, I again felt that voice, telling me to turn back, that it wasn't meant to be. I couldn't find parking, and ended up finding a space on the wrong side of campus and having to literally run to the office to get there in time. My team will tell you.... I do not run. But I ran. I got into the office with 5 minutes to spare, my body shaking from actually having to do more than a minute of tough physical exercise. Then a guy from the back of the office came up to me, I told him I didn't know my student info, needed a transcript, and without a sob story, without having to go into detail, he just smiled and said, “You look distressed, but we can get it ready for you today.” I almost cried.
The whole day was like an obstacle course. That these hoops kept being placed before me and I was having to jump higher and higher, past the point of my own abilities. But with every hoop, when I just had the faith to risk, the faith to jump, God took over. Like I bent my knees to jump and God raised me up and through the hoop.
I don't know if the hoops were from the powers above or the powers below. But I am so thankful for the experience, for the stress, for the vulnerability. Yesterday, I found my determination. Yesterday, I found my trust. Yesterday, I found a will to fight, knowing that whatever obstacle comes, God will be there to see me through it. So whether I get in to this university or not, praise Him, because the fire that was sparked through all this will not die out.
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Posted in General Posts by Sarah Knapp on 9/27/2011
Save it for Africa. This was a phrase I must admit was said numerous times before we arrived here in regards to bug spray, sunscreen, malaria meds, dietary supplements, long skirts, baby wipes, vitamins, dry shampoo and a number of things you would need in the blazing hot bush of Africa. Although we were in the bush for some of the time, the post winter weather turned out to be a crisp wind that kept you cool, sometimes even cold. The fact that we were here when it snowed in Johannesburg, which completely shut down the city, should give you a rough idea that even our bush experience was NOT what you expect African weather to be like.
These were the monumental three months of the race. The ones some people were looking forward to, and others (like myself) were dreading. And yet here we stand, the day before we embark for Europe with all our sunscreen, bug spray, baby wipes and dry shampoo realizing that all this would have been way more useful in India and Nepal... I can't explain how strange it feels to be leaving. I remember packing for Australia in Cambodia, setting aside A LOT to save for Africa. I remember flying back to Asia, saving things for Africa. I wanted to get rid of some skirts, but my teammates assured me I would want to use them in Africa.
And now as I pack, I have to ask myself, what am I saving it for?
It reminds me of all the things I want to say, but haven't said. Of all the things I want to do, but haven't done. I'll save it till tomorrow, till next week, till next month, till next year. But who knows who I will be then? Who knows if I will remember or it will be useful? Honestly who knows if I'll even be?
It's a joke now, among our entire team. When someone starts to pack something that seems so unnecessary or starts to put off a task that can be done now, we ask, “So are you saving it for Africa?”
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Posted in Swaziland by Sarah Knapp on 9/24/2011
Lately I have been drawn into the book of Hebrews, specifically Chapter 11, and I must admit, it's kinda shaken me to the core. At first I was mesmerized with Enoch. A man who gets 4 verses in the Old Testament and yet is placed among Noah and Abraham. But now go ahead and take a pause to read the Chapter, going all the way through Hebrews 12: 2.
Did you read it? No? Yeah, I didn't think so, so seriously pull out your Bible and read it, cause if you don't do it now you'll forget or have to get up in the middle, so you might as well go ahead and do it.
So? What do you see? What do all these men and women have in common? Some are kings, some are leaders, but they all have one general thing alike, besides of course having faith. They DID something. Not one of the figures mentioned here told God how much they loved and believed in Him and then went about their daily business; they DID something! God has not called us to be stagnant in our faith, He has not called us to fill ourselves on what is easy and never seek out the greatness He has to offer for our lives. It's like sitting around eating only Ramen noodles for the rest of your life, when there's so much more out there. Are they filling? Yes. Are they tasty? Kinda. But is that really what you want to be fed on? And are you content with those around you only getting that same sustenance every day? I once heard a preacher say that we are all given the same commands, but different callings. If we were all called to overseas missions, well, there'd be no one to help back home. If we were all called to GO than who would be the support. If we all liked black olives as much as I do, there would be a shortage and then I wouldn't get that tasty treat. We all like different things, excel at different tasks; some of us may go, and some of us may stay, but we must all DO just as we must all eat. Think of it this way. If we truly believe that we can only receive salvation through Christ, if we believe that the only way to true fulfillment and happiness in this life is by faith in our Lord Jesus, that real sustenance comes from the bread of His word, then what the heck are we standing around for? We got work to do. In our country, in our community, but first of all, in ourselves. I thought this would be a year to help others, but I have learned you can't help others and give them the food they need until you deal with your own mess and feed yourself.
So I am begging you, don't buy into this bite-sized candy bar faith that our culture has so cheaply sustained us on. Sweet for the moment, but always manageable. Desire more! We are talking KING SIZED! King-sized prayers, King-sized works, King-sized faith! I am saying let's have a goal that is completely beyond our grasp, to do things that we cannot possibly do on our own strength. Let us rely on God, be dependent on Him. Is that not what these men and women in Hebrews 11 did? Abraham begins to sacrifice his son, knowing full well that he himself could not raise him from the dead. The Israelites walked around Jericho playing music.... what kind of battle plan is that? Honestly, it's one that completely depends on the presence of God. So let us do the same. Let us depend on His presence. Let us put ourselves in situations where we will fall on our face without Him. Let us live by faith.
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Posted in Swaziland by Sarah Knapp on 9/20/2011
I cannot begin to explain the work God has been doing on my heart. During our debrief at the beginning of this month, one of our squad leaders said “Your fear stands before the door to your greatness.” So I began to think, what is it that I fear? From what do I try to hide? At first, I must admit, nothing came to mind; no fear, no insecurity. So what is keeping me from my greatness? But like life always does, she saved her slap in the face for a moment I would feel it to the core of me, and it hit a chord. More than a chord, it hit a wound.
I once heard it explained that a wound casted aside cannot be healed; it becomes infected, abscesses, and continues to cause pain. The only way it can heal is the cut must be reopened and flushed out, getting rid of all the pus and dirt so that the wound can fully mend. Since the first month on this race wounds have been reopened, have been flushed out, at times to the point where the pain was too much, where just letting the wound be infected felt like the better choice. But it's not an option.
I have used the analogy that life gives you scars, but Jesus can take away those scars, which I still believe is true. A wound can heal so wonderfully that there is no evidence, nothing to prove otherwise that a cut or tear was made, and while I came on this race for that kind of healing, it's not the type I want anymore.
As I fight to clean out these wounds, I am no longer ashamed of the scars and no longer want my wounds to be healed beyond the point of ever recognizing they were there. I want the wound to heal, I want all the parts I've held on to, all the parts I've let infect how I act, how I react, ultimately who I am to be flushed out, cleaned never to return again, but I have a new respect for the scars I now bear. The scars reminds us that we've gone through the battle. That yes, while the knife of depression once cut my legs out from under me, a scar now reminds me that I am still standing. I am not ashamed to have gone through those battles, because it is Christ who has brought me through them. Those scars are visible marks of where Christ has touch my life, healed my heart, and changed my soul. In place of my weakness lies the scar tissue of Christ's strength.
Here I am again, turning the focus to my wound and pulling out the splinter fear has so deeply planted within me. So I ask you, what fear is keeping you from your greatness? And are you prepared to reopen the wound that has been left unhealed, fish out the splinter of fear and inadequacy and watch as Christ takes your splinter and makes it your sword?
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
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Posted in Swaziland by Sarah Knapp on 9/20/2011
Why me? I remember asking this question to myself many a time during my life. When bad things would happen, when friends turned away, when my heart was broken; pretty much anytime things didn't go my way. Like everybody else I have had a lot of unmet expectations, dreams that I've watched slip through my fingertips, times when people let me down, when I didn't measure up, when I didn't feel good enough or felt like things were spinning out of control.
Why me?
I felt this race was going to be a year to sacrifice for my faith. I was nervous starting the race. I stood in my sin, wallowed in it even. I was comfortable in it. It's known, it's easy; it's like if I took the step to really let go of all my sin I would be striped and abandoned. I believed in God, I believed in Jesus, but faith that I wouldn't be left hung out to dry?.... Not so much.
Why me?
I came for a year of sacrifice, a year to let go of everything I had, everything I was, with the intention to get it all back when I returned. Yet I stand on the dry ground of Swaziland holding on to more of myself than I ever have before. As C.S. Lewis put it, “The greater the sin, the greater the mercy; the deeper the death, the brighter the rebirth.” He couldn't have said it better. I have watched as pieces of myself were torn away. As the waters washed over my sin, it stung, and I was striped, but as the dirt is washed away, I find more and more of myself. I see more and more of myself. All the things I've held onto, all the “sacrifices” I've made, I now recognize as nothing. And yet, I still don't understand.
Why me?
What good have I done that God would call me? Why was I given this opportunity? Why have I been blessed beyond words, to receive a change a freedom that I in no way deserve? I have been delivered from depression, from discontent, from insecurities, from failures, from regret, from myself. And now, I look back, why me? After all the times I turned from You, after all the times I preferred myself, after all the choices I made, knowing they were sin and yet choosing them anyway, why me?
“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”
“For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.”
“He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
Thank You, Jesus. Despite my sin, my shame, my pride, all of the flesh of me, You chose me. You called me, transformed me, not because I deserved it, but because of Your love for me. How I will ever repay You, I don't know, but I will spend the rest of my life praising You, telling others about You, and sharing the love that You so freely poured into me. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.
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Posted in Mozambique by Sarah Knapp on 9/10/2011
Sorry there's no pictures, when we get a faster connection I will post some.
In Mozambique we worked with the ministry Africa on Fire. The ministry has a plot of land given to them by the government and they are building up orphanages, a church, and planning a farm, a primary school, a bible college, and a clinic. It will become a community center where people can turn for educational, spiritual, and physical need. It was really cool to help in the construction for such a monumental project and to work with it in its beginning stages. So far one of the orphan houses is built as well as the church. We helped build one of the missionaries houses and then would preach at the church, lead bible studies and go on outreaches to small villages.
During the women's bible study, one of the Brazilian missionaries was speaking about putting on a new self in Christ, being clothed in Christ and it made me think back, at what point did I become the Sarah that is currently typing this letter? Was it when God transformed my heart in Mexico? Was it when I went to training camp for the World Race? Was it when I stepped on my international flight going to Bangkok, Thailand in January? I am no longer the girl who went to Mexico or the girl who started this race. I am no longer the girl preaching in Malaysia or the one teaching in India. I'm not the rooftop singer in Nepal, or the surf instructor in South Africa. This morning my plans were thrown into the wind and I wasn't phased in the least; a response which wasn't delivered when my plans were changed two weeks ago.
It's as if I'm running through a forest that has been built up between God and me. That I've let all these things come between us and the thicker the forest became, the less willing I was to brave the journey through it. When I signed up, I began walking through the forest I built; walking through the trees and pushing aside the brush, but very careful of the thorns. I got to training camp and began walking faster. Climbed on that plane and began to jog, but still careful of not getting scratched or hurt. But it still wasn't fast enough. Throughout the race I've started picking up my pace, less and less concerned about the thorns and more and more focused at what's at stake. Recently, I have come to a full out sprint and I've realized that as I'm running, as the thorns cut into me, the hurt, the heartache, the disappointment, all the baggage of this world is flowing out of me. As the blood flows out I feel more free, I feel faster and more determined than before. With each new cut my feet feel lighter, with each tear in my skin the weight of this world is lessened and the deeper the thorns cut the more I fight and the less pain I feel. Until there's finally enough light to see that it's not my flesh being cut, that the blood flowing down my arms is not my own but I've been clothed in Christ. That it is His blood being spilt because of the thorns I created and yet He is driving me forward, moving my feet, giving me the strength to push harder faster. Telling me not to stop, not to avoid the thorns, but graciously taking each cut, each injury without hesitation, without flinching, without complaint. And He is calling me to push harder still, to run with unstoppable determination towards the edge of the forest which is still far ahead. I hope it never stops. I pray I never reach a point that is close enough or let this world tell me that the brush is too thick or that Christ as my clothing isn't adequate enough. I hope I have a determination to fight for the rest of my life, until I stand on the other side of this forest in the presence of my King.
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Posted in South Africa by Sarah Knapp on 9/10/2011
Sorry about the lack of posts over the past two months. Internet in Africa is almost non-existent, and where it does exist, it is slower than 1990s dial up.
South Africa was fun! We were a part of a surfing and soccer ministry, and while I went back and forth between both, I enjoyed the surfing ministry the best. The water was freezing, and because it was the middle of South African winter there was a chilled wind, but the surfing kids were few and so during the ministry we were really able to pour into these boys. One of these boys in particular really surprised me.
Sohkewo (I'm probably spelling it wrong) was one of the boys who showed up almost every day we did surfing ministry. Due to lack of swimming apparel he would go out into the freezing water in only his undergarments, but he was there every day willing and excited to go out. I loved his determination in learning, he would paddle out, jump up on the board, usually fall off after 3 or 4 seconds, but would make his way back to catch the next wave. And trust me, these were not kind waves. They rolled in strong, one after the other, from different directions and yet he always tried and tried again. The last days we were in Coffee Bay, Sohkewo was baptized and met up with us on Sunday to go to church. I had the blessing of walking back from church with him; he doesn't know too much English and I don't speak any Xhosa, but I understood the smile he had on his face the whole walk home.
While his joy was contagious during the walk, I still look back and am overwhelmed by the determination he had on those waves. It never phased him when he fell, it never dampened his spirit or took away any of his passion to ride a wave. I want a faith like this. A determination to stop treading through life, but to climb onto my faith, putting all my weight, my strength, all of who I am onto it. Unashamed when I fall but no less determined, no less sure that this next time is the time I stand firmly; the time I glide by faith over the waves and currents that life throws at me all the way onto the shores of God's Kingdom.
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Posted in Nepal by Sarah Knapp on 6/26/2011
That's right! Desperate times call for desperate measures, and since we have a support deadline in a week and I have just under $1000 more to raise, I am not showering until I am fully funded (which for the sake of my teammates and whoever is unfortunate enough to sit next to me on the 10 hour flight and 11 hour bus ride to get to our next location will hopefully be soon).
While this may not seem like much of a sacrifice, we will be going to a hostel in Kathmandu on Tuesday that has hot showers, which are the first hot showers we've had in two months, but I will be missing out. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and remember, every little amount helps!
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Posted in Nepal by Sarah Knapp on 6/24/2011
Being around such beautiful scenery this month I decided to set up my tent and sleep outside (Also we've been on the race for 6 months now and have only used my tent for a week in Thailand). So I sleep outside on the rooftop, which I love! Every morning I step out of my tent and see the gorgeous mountain and every night when I go to bed I see the night skyline of Kathmandu. It's gorgeous! Every part of this place is a glimpse of the beauty of God.
For the last week and a half I have been the only one sleeping outside, and on Saturday we decided to pray for 24 hours as a team. Each one of us prayed for four hours, and I was to end the night. As I've been reading through Samuel, Chronicles and Psalms I've been inspired by the amount of time David spent worshiping, so for my hours of prayer I decided I would go by my tent, plug in my iPod, worship, and if I didn't know the words I would pray aloud for the things God has placed on my heart. For the first three hours I did this, singing as loud as I could and praying. I finally decided that, for the sake of our neighbors, I would continue in silent prayer, I turned off my iPod and then I heard it. Turning red from slight embarrassment, I looked across the street to see a woman, leaning out of her window, looking up at me and giving me the slow clap. I couldn't help but laugh.
On Tuesday we did team worship, and to try something new, we all made an hour long playlist, put in our headphones, turned up the volume, and sang. Six of us, singing six different songs, unable to hear ourselves and others meaning we were probably all out of key, but singing without embarrassment. We went up to the roof, by my tent, worshiped in our own ways to our own music, and as my playlist finished, I turned around and saw that some of the kids had come up to the roof to see what we were doing and had begun to sing as well. So I put my iPod on speaker and two of the girls started singing with me, and then we sang the English songs they knew. I know I am learning so much more from these kids than they are learning from me. Can you imagine hearing someone worship and without asking questions, without hesitation, just walking up and joining them? Or seeing someone in the word and stopping what you are doing to be in the Word with them? Because that's what happened the next morning.
I was sitting in my tent doing my Bible study when one of the girls who had sang with me the night before came up to the roof to hang up clothes to dry and then pulled a Bible out of nowhere and came and sat with me. She asked me what I was reading, showed me what she was reading and what her favorite Psalm was, and then we dove into the Word together. How beautiful is the faith of a child! The innocence of their faith is breathtaking. Not in that they believe without question, but she sat their without considering any of the differences there may be between us, not concerned about any language barrier and with the humbleness to listen and learn from what I have been taught and the authority to also share her knowledge with me. Within 24 hours this 10 year old humbled me and showed me the areas in which I still have yet to grow.
So I say it again, how beautiful is the faith of a child!
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